By Blood Alone Opens for Jim Rose Circus vrs Jake "The Snake" Roberts

Holy Crap I am DONE!

Hello friends… well at last I can say that I am done with my radiation treatments.
It is 197 days since my day of diagnosis of breast cancer.
As much as it seems like the days have flown by….. It crawled at the same time.
My life as I knew it …. Was forced to take a pit stop.
Certainly not the curve ball I expected to get. I am psyched that I was able to get thru it all relatively
Sane and happy. Michael is the first and foremost person who helped me thru it all. My friends and family (and my family are my friends). So many friends that I am so lucky to have in my life. My contemporaries, my co-workers, total strangers and business owners all aided me when I needed it.
I want to thank all of you for the emotional, financial and physical help I received from you.
I am deeply humbled by this whole experience.

So…. One might ask……. What the fuck do I do now?

That my friends is the 1 billion dollar question.

As I left the radiology building at Maine Med this morning…..
I didn’t expect to really become overwhelmed with emotion. But I was…. Overwhelmed.
It was the reality of my last treatment that struck me.
I am done… no more…. And when I say no more… I mean NO MORE CANCER EVER. I sobbed on my way to the gym. It was a mournful cry…. Something you may do when you have lost someone close to you.
I am mourning my formal self. Sounds a bit new agey weirdo girl stuff…. But I really feel that way.
I liked how I used to be……but now…. I am a cleaner, healthier, less self abusing…. Melynda.
As much as I did for myself then…. I was not taking care of my physical self. Now I have to. I was forced to. Now I am not saying that cancer did this for me. I say that my body did this for me. Our bodies control so much. There is an intelligence that comes from our very DNA… our own cells can control our life. As much as our brain….Cancer…. Its just our own cells and DNA going a little wonky… growing like crazy. Crazy cells…
Or are they? Maybe.. It is a calculated, directed and spiritually guided message to our being.
Its like…. Wake up mother-fucker! Yeah… you …. Now cut it out! Stop this unhealthy foolishness!
What?….. Your not going to stop…. Okay then…. Then we will do something about it.
Slow you right the fuck down. (this is a conversation between my brain and my body’s cells).

A question that I have been getting a lot lately. “So are they going to run tests to see if the cancer is gone?”
The short answer to this question is a definitive “NO”.

See the thing is … they don’t give you an all clear after treatments are done.
It is a wait and see attitude….
Well okay… lets see if it ever comes back… keep checking… notice changes… symptoms etc.
Surgery got rid of the tumor itself.
Chemotherapy should have killed any rogue cells that may have been hiding somewhere in my body.
Radiation concentrated on killing cells around my surgical areas… both my arm (where lymph nodes where taken out) and the tumor site.

So now… I just have to make sure that it doesn’t come back.

How do I do that?

Well…. 3 major things…….

1. Live Healthier (exercise and eat well)
2. Live Happier (don’t let the stress rule and participate in activities that enrich, excite and inspire)
3. Live True (move towards goals and except failures)

Sounds easy … right?

Well, yah… it kinda is.

I never thought that 7 months ago.

So I am living healthier.
Since my beginning date of radiation 6 weeks ago… I also started going to the gym.
I have been stretching and hitting one of the cardio machines 4x a week for 6 weeks.
I feel stronger… my left arm is getting some of its former strength back.
I am bartering with a yoga/Pilates studio where I pick up and clean at the studio a couple hours a week in exchange for a full membership to the studio. I am psyched! I can take as many classes as I would like.
If any of you want to join me sometime… let me know… we can go to a class together.

I am also eating better and also sleeping better.

I am living happier.
I have begun getting together with my band, By Blood Alone, again.
This has been great. We are working on new material and practicing, practicing for our next gig.
Which is going to kill!

I am also creating artwork. It seems a bit away… but The White Heart asked if I would like to solo art show for October if this year. I am very excited about it. I am making new work and can’t wait to share with you all.
But you will have to wait until then!
HA!

I am still working on the living true part.
Being authentic, being mindful, showing vulnerability and strength at the same time.
How do I achieve this?
It is still a little bit of a mystery for me. It is possible that the point is you will never be able to fully achieve Truth. Maybe you find truth in death?
I don’t know…
What I do know is that I need do move towards my bliss (to quote David Lynch)

Lets see what happens shall we?

I believe that my benefit site will still be up and running to keep you updated on my progress etc.
However…. We will be closing the PO Box that many of you have sent donations to.

If you decide to send anything thru the mail and you would like it to get to me…
Please mail all correspondence etc to……….

Melynda Amann
57 Moody St.
Portland, Maine
04101


I guess that is all for now. My love and gratitude to everyone who sets their eyes on this.
Xoxxoxoxo


Melynda

A millimeter from X: Conversations in the Radiation Room- Part 4

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


A millimeter from X: Conversations in the Radiation Room- Part 4

Female Radio Technician 1: (walking into room with the other techs)...... you know the other white meat. They call it the other white meat. That is what they call Pork.
I mean... It shouldn't taste like chicken. Eventhough... they say everything else does. Taste like chicken I mean.

(table adjusting, moving up and down, side to side)

Female Radio Technician 2: 174 5

FRT1: Yup

FRT2: I got your white meat for you right here Frosty.

Everyone in Room: hahahahahahahahahah huh hahha.....

FRT1: Sorry Melynda

Me: Its fine... its funny

FRT2: Yeah... I am sure Melynda has heard alot worse... Huh honey?

Me: Yes, alot worse

(They all leave room... buzzing noise.......)

10:10 Wed Jan 30th 2008

Eating Flesh

Eating Flesh

Hey All..

So I am half way done with my radiation treatments.
My last one is on Feb 20th. Provided that the machine does not break down (Again).
It has broken down twice since I have been going.
Once when I was on the table.
I thought... that possibly It would malfunction... and start acting crazy... and then maybe I would end up with some really cool super powers.
But... that did not happen, unfortunately.
Apparently... the computer and the machine don't always communicate well and it forces a stalemate.
(a very humanlike quality... robots are cool)
Anyway...
I was supposed to be done by my Birthday on the 16th... but that is not going to happen.
I was a little dissapointed, but I am over it now.

I watched this health program last night that was all about eating a plant based diet... and not a meat based diet.

I think that Michael and I are going to try and do so.
There are many health and environmental reasons to make this change.
I never thought that I would be able to give up meat.
But there are some statistics that are helping me with making the choice.
Like 0% of breast cancer patients who switch to a plant based diet has a reccurence within 4 years as opposed to 39% who keep a meat based diet.

So... we may give it a try. I don't want the cancer to come back.

I also overheard a very disturbing conversation while sitting in the Radiology waiting room last week.
The conversation was between two men. One guy was talking about how his family have been farmers for generations and had a huge dairy farm down east somewhere.
He was talking about how they lost all of their herd one year.
He said that the barn had newly been urethaned and then a few days later... caught on fire. The cows where in the barn for a little while... breathing all the toxins in before they were rescued.

He said that a few weeks later... all of the cows starting to develope flu-like symptoms. Runny noses, sneezing etc etc. Meanwhile they all were still being milked.
They started to die. All of them died.
Turns out that they all had been poisened by the Urethane. But ... the herd wasn't a total loss. They were able to sell ALL OF THE MEAT for human consumption
How fucked up is that...
They died from toxins... and now humans where drinking the milk and eating the flesh that was most certainly tainted.
Made me want to be sick.
I won't get into all the other statistics about the meat industry... cause I don't want to get on a soap box... As of this moment I still eat meat (I try to eat free range and grass fed though). But let me just say... If you choose to investigate for yourselves... it is pretty disgusting.
and the environmental impact of animals being raised for food is also quite disturbing.
Basically the best thing any one person can do for the environment is stop eating meat. Energy, Water and land will all be saved.
Okay... I have blabbed enough.

Something to think about anyway...


Love to you all.
M

Sternum Tattoo: Conversations in the Radiation Room -Part 3

(faint buzzing coming from a cd player.... *I didn't even know that they had a cd player in the room)

Female Radio Technician 1: Hey Melynda... my name is R, I will be here all week with you.

Me: Cool

FRT1: Yeah... I am happy I get to be here... cause I go to Amigos.

Me: Oh... so you must know my sister Raina

FRT1: Yes... and I saw all the people who shaved their head for you there.

Me: Oh

FRT1: (Talking to the Male Radiology Technician) Okay... D ... this music is not going to work. What do you got in there Bob?

Male Radio Technician 1: No.... I think Britney Spears is in there right now.

(I chuckle to myself.....)

FRT1: Um... can we put Bob Dylan in? Melynda... you don't mind Bob Dylan do you?

Me: no

MRT1: I was going to put in Led Zepplin... but I thought it would be to heavy for the morning

(I thought to myself... not for me)

(MRT1 walks to cd player and puts in CD... He put in a Muddy Waters CD)

FRT1: ahhhhhhh..... Muddy Waters...(as she is fiddling with my boob)

(They all leave room.....music playing "It's so cold up north, that a bird can hardly fly.Well it's so cold up north, that a bird can hardly fly .Now you know I'm goin' back down south, let this winter pass on by ........")

10:25 Monday January 28th 2008

Base Line: Conversations in the Radiation Room- Part 2

Female Radio Tech 1: "Okay, Melynda, we are going to take an X ray film at the end of the treatment today:"

Me: "Um, OK."

FRT1: "I don't know if you remember me.... I am the one who did your mapping. I am covering for D today... cause he had like... um ... stuff to do."

Me: "Oh"

(Techs fiddle with my boob a bit, move the table then leave room)

(Buzzing Noise)

(Techs enter the room again)

FRT1: "94 5"

Male Radio Technician 1: "Alrighty"

FRT1: "85 6"

MRT1: "yup"

FRT2: "134 7"

MRT1: "got it"

(Table shifting)

(Female and Male Radio Tech... mumbling mumbling... can't hear over the machine")

MRT1: "..........yeah... I noticed it when I was giving him his little sponge bath, kinda sad"

FRT2: "oh... that is sad. How much to take him to the Neuro-Vet?"

MRT1: "$120.00 just to enter the door"

MRT1: "okay Melynda, here we go again"

(techs leave room)

(Loud Buzzing Noise)

10:15 am Wed Jan 23rd 2008

Lateral Field: Conversation in the Radiation Room- Part 1

Female Radio Tech 1: So I was talking to my husband the other day on how I don't like the size and color of my lips.

Female Radio Tech 2: Oh yeah?

FRT1: Yeah... so I said to him that maybe I could go to one of those dermatology places where they can use the machines to line them or something, to make them look bigger.

FRT2: Huh... sounds good.

Me: (Thinking to myself silently:" yeah in other words, a TATOO,... lady.")

FRT1: Yeah... and my husbands response was "Do you think that there is a way that they could sew your lips shut?"

ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA
Guffaw Hardy Haw Haw Haw

FRT2: Have a good day Melynda!

Me: You too!

Monday Jan 21,2008

Well that is decent

my first full week of radiation is almost over so that is cool. Unfortunately, Maine Med is NEVER on time with my appointment.
I switched to a morning appointment in hopes that I will be in and out of there like I am supposed to be.
My techs are nice and usually have warm hands. Funny thing... they put a big elastic band around my feet when I lay on the alien autopsy table so I don't move them.
The buzzing of the machine is kind of comforting.

My port is out and I am sore from that.
and my cold is almost gone but not yet.

Have you ever had your ears pop... and then lose all of your equilibrium?
cause that keeps happening with me... with this cold.
Weird.
love to you all.

Radiation is like Ella Fitzgerald

What should I say about 2007.
It was a year full of memorable events and drastic change.

Here are some of the most notable things that happened in my life in 2007 in no particular order...

-I had the best birthday party ever at Geno's.... and if by best I mean, falling off the stage and not remembering it, singing horribly, punching my sister and passing out on the floor upstairs at Geno's.

-Michael and I renewed our vows in Vegas, celebrated with close friends and drove around a 1956 Chevy Bel Air.

-I fostered many new and close friendships

-I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a major operation and finished chemotherapy

-Learned to be humble and accept help

-I discoverd that everyone around me is filled with compassion and love

-My band, By Blood Alone recorded and released a full length CD, Seas of Blood.

-I conceptualized,designed and decorated Geno's for the best party ever, Half-way to Halloween Horror Ball. Mars Attacks!

-I stopped drinking vodka.

-I said goodbye to my '94 Honda Civic (she was a good kitty... that's what I liked to call her).

-My dad was diagnosed with Lymphoma.

-I made over 70 pieces of art work.

-I started writing a book.

I am sure there are things that I am forgetting... but that is good enough.

Let's see, What is going on now?

Just before the Holidays I was "Mapped" for my radiation therapy.
The Radiation Therapy room is so Sci-Fi and cold ... but I kind of like it.
When they did this mapping my doctor and the radio-tech made me lie on a cold table where I had to be COMPLETELY still and not move at all for a whole 1/2 hour while my left breast was completely exposed, analysed and xrayed by a computer.
Why is it that whenever you are supposed to be completely still... you suddenly have to sneeze, you get uncontrollable iches, spasms, have to cough.... etc etc? It was a bit torturous but I got thru it. After the still torture my tech came in an tatooed registration marks on me... so they know where to set the computer and the lasers.
They are 3 little blue beauty marks triangulated around my breast.

When I am all done... and the proper healing is done after all my treatments...
Cyndi said that she would turn them into little stars or hearts or something like that.

So I start with radiation tomorrow! I will be going 5 days a week at 2:15pm for six weeks. My doctor says that if the machine doesn't break and I don't miss any of my appointments... I will be done on Feb 14th. 2 days before my next birthday!
How cool is that! Definitely cause to celebrate when I am done.

I will never forget what Jenny said about Radiation... she said that she learned this in nursing class.

"Radiation is like Ella Fitzgerald."

I know you might be thinking? What the hell does Ella F. have to do with Radiation...

Fitzgerald appeared in a TV commercials for Memorex. In the commercials, she sang a note that shattered a glass while being recorded to a Memorex cassette tape. The tape was played back and the recording also broke the glass, asking "Is it live, or is it Memorex?"

Every piece of glass has a natural resonant frequency—the speed at which it will vibrate if bumped or otherwise disturbed by some stimulus, such as a sound wave—as does every other material on Earth. Glass wine goblets are especially resonant because of their hollow tubular shape, which is why they make a pleasant ringing sound when clinked. If a person sings the same tone as that ringing note—a high C in legend but in reality the matching pitch could be any note—the sound of her voice will vibrate the air molecules around the glass at its resonant frequency, causing the glass to start vibrating as well. And if you sing loudly enough, the glass will vibrate itself to smithereens.

Radiation is to DNA as Ella is to glass.

Get it?

Anyway... it is a bit oversimplfying it... basically radiation doesn't shatter DNA but kind of breaks the ladders and yada yada yada...
but

I just like thinking of it that way.


Anyway...
so after the mapping... Michael and I went home, visited with our families and ate lots of good food.
I also got to see alot of my nieces and nephews (on Michael's side) They are mostly in their 20's and 30's which means we have grand nephews and grand nieces as well.

It is a little strange having very large men calling me auntie... but I like it.

So, we had a great visit.

Today, I went for my dry run for radiation at Maine Med.
It is definitely more cold and sterile than Mercy Hospital...
but I like the idea of being in and out of there in 20 minutes. Which is what they said would happen every day for treatment.
However... when I was there today... I don't think that there was anyone else there under the age of 60.

I am sure everything will go well.
I have been very sick, sneezing and coughing the past week....so I hope that I can lay still during my treatment without a sneeze sneaking up on me.

I am so looking forward to putting all of this treatment behind me.
Soon enough. January 8th I am getting my Medi-Port taken out... That is the thing they implanted in my chest to administer the chemo drugs. I wonder if they will let me keep it? Not in my body silly... I would put it in a jar or something....

I have a feeling that 2008 is going to be great.

xo
M

I can't believe it!

That tomorrow is my last chemo treatment.
Hopefully I will never ever ever have to have poisons injected into my veins again.
I am so happy.
So...
I have a month off with no active treatment.
And then I start radiation.
I am told it is much easier.
Except for the fact that I will be strapped down on a table, exposed and alone in a room 5 days a week for 20 minutes lasting 6 weeks.

The thought of having to be somewhere at the same time every day is what kills me the most.

I should be done with radiation just before my birthday... so that should be cool.

Hope to see many of you in the next couple of weeks.
xoxxoo
M

I am the featured artist in Portland Magazine, December Issue!

Hey all...

If any of you are so inclined.
Pick up a copy of Portland Magazine, December Issue.
I am the featured artist in the In Tune section on pages 66-67.
Thanks again to writer Todd M. Richard for having an interest in my story and interviewing me....
And they used my picture from my head shaving party! Bald as can be!
Awesome!
xo
M

ps. Pick up a copy of By Blood Alone's new album Seas of Blood!
Available at all Bull Moose locations, CD Baby, Relapse Distro and now ITUNES!

pss. Apparently I love the exclamation point today.
Maybe its the Taxol....

YAY!!!!!

After talking with my friend Cat on Saturday night I realized something really great!
I miscalculated my chemo doses.
My last dose is on the 13th of December NOT the 27th! Yay! Yay! YaY!
2 more to go.
my next one is this thurs.

I am so happy!

If you have time to kill

vistit this website and watch all of the do not try this at home videos.

I love this guy

Will it Blend?

gobbily go

Michael and I totally forgot that our wedding anniversary was coming up until my Sis, Erin, came to visit.She reminded us.November 20th.... Michael and I have been married 12 years.Happy anniversary to us.We usually aren't ones for celebrating dates just because something happened on them.I mean...we celebrate days that are just ordinary sometimes.I know, It is a little strange.We also realized that this coming April 20th. 2008is our 20th year of being together.That is more than half my life.Michael is pretty friggin special.xoM

The "its about friggin time" Blog and Taxol the Drug of Champions

Hello there all.

I have been quite slack with up keeping my blog a bit.
It has been over a month since I have updated you all on what is going on with me.
I am not exactly sure where to start.
I have decided to write this on the day of my second Taxol treatment. Only 2 more Chemo Treatments to Go! Then… it is on to radiation treatment.
Which shouldn't be as hard side effect wise… so I am told.

I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
My last Chemo treatment is set for December 27th.
I cannot wait.
I am counting the days.
Nothing says fun like surging poisons running thru all of your body systems.
And while I am really looking forward to the new year….
Chemo treatment free….
It can take as long as 2 friggin years for all of the chemicals to be purged out of my system.
Yeehaw!
This means more of my healthy eating and a good dose of weekly exercise is in order to keep my healing on track.
I have been doing pretty good healthy diet wise… allowing myself cheats now on then.
And by cheats I mean , 1 good cheat a week.
Which could be a piece of chocolate, a slice of bread or some pasta.

It has been very hard… but I have to say, I am better for it.
I think that If I was eating shit all of this time I would be in much worse shape.
It is amazing… I have actually had the experience of tasting bad food and being repulsed by it …..
Even though I used to love and crave it before all this cancer business.
For example, My sis, Kris, my brother and Michael went to see 30 days of Night (which we ALL HATED, but that is another story ). Now, normally when I would attend the movies it involves a HUGE bag of popcorn (no butter) and a diet Pepsi.
Well, I opted for water instead of Pepsi (cola is the brown piss of Satan I tell you, Why is it that so many of us have no problem consuming brown liquid and calling it good?)
Anyway, I certainly was not willing to forgo the DELICIOUS popcorn. Sans the M and M's poured over the top. I mean I wanted to cheat… but not that bad.
So we got to our seats, (our usual very close but not too close to the screen seats)
I took one bite of the popcorn and almost thru up.
Now, I wasn't having side-effect nausea… I actually was having one of my GOLDEN DAYS (that is what I like to call my couple of days before my next Chemo Treatment).
The popcorn actually tasted disgusting.
I could actually taste the RANCID oil that it was made in.
How often do you think they change that oil that they cook the popcorn in?
Do you really think that pimply-15 year old- $7.00 an hour-employee really gives a shit about doing that part of his/her job.
EWE! Is all I can say.
I will NEVER eat movie popcorn again.
And that is really saying something.
I am so proud of myself.
Michael also did not enjoy is Nachos.
This good eating has rubbed off on him. Well, he is the cook in the house….. So he is a being forced into these new habits.

I have also lost my taste for most candy, I miss my Coffee SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much, and have hyper reactions to most distinct smells. I usually could smell things out way before Michael (did you know that women have more refined Olfactory Systems than men? Something to do with smelling our babies and other stuff) and now….
I can smell day ole meat or fruit in the fridge upon opening it, smelling the cat box way before it really needs changing (this is now Mike's job to change…. Can't be near that bacteria… I don't miss THAT AT ALL! Sorry Mike.) and I make Mike put his work out clothes directly in our washer in the basement IMMEDIATELY after he works out (his sweat USED to smell sweet to me… not any more… did you know that they did studies with women and men… where a group of women were asked to smell a T-shirt that men wore to bed and had to rate the shirt from 1-5 for smelliness…. 1 being least offending and 5 being GODDAMN SMELLY!…. The men that were more symmetrical in facial features were rated with the least offending smells, and also Symmetrical people are said to be more attractive… so therefore….. Attractive men actually smell better to women).Okay, ok I am rambling sorry.

So, let me take a break and give so much thanks to people.
So many people I want to give my love and thanks to ….
I am sure I will miss someone (please don't be mad… It is the drugs I swear! And please don't take it personally … just give me a note and I will add you Tout Sweet!

I would first like to thank EVERYONE who has donated time, money, talent and love to me everyday.
I am so lucky to have such generous people in my life.
I really am not sure what I did to deserve so much love….
But I am learning how to deal with it.
And that has been such a challenge for me.
Learning to accept love, help and charity.
It is not easy to do.
I hope that none of you have to go this kind of situation…
But, we should all learn to say thank you and I love you.
I LOVE YOU ALL.

I would like to thank the following bands for donating their art and their time and their money to help me out.

In no particular order

Covered in Bees
Hatchet-face
Twisted Roots
Balls Deep
Ghosthunter
Man-Witch
Hiss and Chambers
Big Coffin Hunters
(my band) By Blood Alone
Ogre
Guttersnipe
Taming the Shrew
Ocean
Cochise
Cult Maze
Brzowski
Aepril Schaile


The media

Mark with a K at WCYY
Justin Ellis and Aimsel Ponti at Portland Press Herald
The Phoenix
Charlie at WBLM
Jan at WMPG
Amy Martin at The Maine Switch
Todd Richards at Portland Magazine
Maine Musicians Exchange
The Bollard

Venues

Geno's
S P A C E
The White Heart
Pub 33


I would like to thank all of the artists and individuals who have gone out of their way to help me out as well…
It would take to long to list.
But you know who you are ….
But these are peeps are the most tippity tops (again in no particular order)

Mark and M Lennon
Rowan Bishop
Sara P
Andrea
Heidi P.
Lauren
Aepril Schaile
JR
Knaughty Sarah
Angie, Laura, Kay and Karen
Everyone at The Blue Spoon, especially David Iovino
Hepzibah
All of my Family
Tristan
Dominique
McNallica
Norm
Jim K.
Cyndi Lou and Nikki
Molly
Salli
Peri
Bebe Buell
Matt and Alice
Gina and Mark
Kris
Ryan and Emerson
Rebecca and Mike
Sara Mallory
Katie Wallace
Everyone at Geno's
Everyone at The White Heart



There are so many more….
And I am sorry if I didn't mention you.
Seriously….
It is so hard to keep this all on in my head!
I LOVE each and everyone of you.
Thank you.

You all have been a big part in sustaining me and my husband.
I don't know what we would do without you.

So…..

Back to my goings on…..

So today was my second round of this nasty nasty nasty drug called Taxol.
It is so much fun.

5 hours spent at the hospital, getting this shit spewed into my veins.

My last treatment with this shit was horrible.
I don't think I could have been in any more pain.

First off…
The steroids…
I was so fucking high from all the steroids that I had to take before my treatment.
They made me take 20 milligrams the night before
Another 20 milligrams the morning of
Another 50 milligrams were pumped in my veins right before Taxol and another 40 mill after
I sat in the hospital for 5 hours receiving my treatment.
The next day I had this false energy from all the steroids.
I couldn't stop.
I was like "whoo hooo! I have so much energy… I am not going to stop until I drop!"
Well that was exactly what I did…..
All day Friday (the day after treatment)
I ran around like I didn't have a care in the world or a bad cell in my body.
I woke up at 6am on Saturday and still was going strong (I have been getting up so abnormally early
Between 6 and 8pm)
And around 3pm I crashed! And crashed really really really really HARD.
I was in so much pain.
They call in Neuropathy
My legs hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurt, my hands and arms hurt.
In addition to that…
I had pins and needles all over my body, numbness in my feet and hands and a splitting headache.
It was fun.
I didn't get out of bed till Monday morning. Except to pee.
I had numbness and needles in my hands and feet for about the whole 2 weeks between that treatment and this one.
I also caught some sort of nasty infection/ cold… I think on Halloween.
Which my nurse repeatedly scolded me for not coming in early enough into the hospital to be put on antibiotics.
I really need to be more careful of infection because my white cell counts are super low. And then the anti-biotics made me super sick to my stomach.

To say the least …..
My first experience with Taxol was not good.

Also… during all of this ….
I have been working really hard on the opening of a new bar.
Michael and I are helping our JR to open a cool neighborhood bar/lounge right on Munjoy Hill.
I'm doing all of the Interior Designing and Decorating for the whole place.
So, that has been keeping me real busy.
It has been a little slow going… but we all have been pluggin away.
I have had some help from friends….
So It has lessened the load for me a bit.
(if any of you have some free time…. Hit me up! Shameless, I know)


Other great things

The release of "Seas of Blood" by…. By Blood Alone
The visits of my sister Erin, brother Zachary and Cousin Dee Dee
My productivity in my Art Studio has been awesome
My rent refund check
My constant love from my husband and my kitties and my friends
I've read tons of books and watched tons of movies
My doctor told me I could have sushi and I did today
I got a great new wig and got to wear it out 2 times
I have been taking tons of pictures
The Bees put out a new album
I forget what day it is sometimes
My couch has a nice new bum indent
I cleaned the house
I have tons of hats now
I have sold some art
And
I have lost 30 pounds

Well that is all I have for you right now.
I am sure I have forgotten to tell you tons.
But you will get over it.
I will try to update as I remember.
I hope that the after effects of my treatment goes better than last time.
Hey friends....
call me....
I know I am bad with calling you all back.
Sorry to..., Raina, Sally, Molly, Gina, Alexandria, Sarah C, Zibah and so much more.
I will do my best to call you back.
I do love hearing all of your messages.

Love love.
Melynda

"Not Dead, Not Dying, Living Art"

He all
check out some work I have been busy with....
I may not be around for the show (treatment on wed)
But go in and check it out!
xoxoxo
M





This night will also feature the pure doom, rock and metal sounds of

Ocean
Cortez
and
Cryptic Overcast

BE THERE!
Artwalk 5-8pm
show at 9pm
$5

Geno's Rock Club
625 Congress St. Portland, Maine 04101

Chemo Haze all around my brain, Lately things just don't seem the same

Well, it is about time I write another blog.
So many have been wondering how I have been doing, I have seen some of you out and about and that has been wonderful.
Okay.
So lets see,
So much has happened in these past 2 1/2 weeks. It has been nonstop with appointments, visits, errands, seeing friends etc etc.
Who would of thought that I had to get cancer to be more busy?
No really, I am resting too.
Can't heal if I don't rest. Where shall I start?
Well my first day of chemo was on September 5th and I just had my second round this past wednesday the 19th.
The first time was a real wopper for me. I think that party that had to do with the unknown. I had no idea how the drugs would effect me or really what to expect from the whole experience. I got thru the first round okay, headaches and having a hard time sleeping were my biggest complaints.
oh.
and the nausea, that kinda sucked.
On the following Monday the 9th Michael and I invited a few friends over for a head shaving party. At first it was only supposed to be me and a couple of close girlfriends shaving our heads but it turned into the most wonderful party with 8 of my friends shaving their head for ME. That simply amazes me.Thanks to the 2 Sarahs for wielding their mighty clippers and doing such a great job.
Oh and for M for bringing the Scotch.
Not that I had any of it. :( :;)
I couldn't have better friends. What did I do to deserve such loving and wonderful people care about me so much I will never know.
I am so humbled by their friendship and love. We took many pictures and so did my friends and many of you have probably seen them posted on here and on snapfish. Once I figure out how to edit the video down I will post that up as well.
I will be installing an artshow of my work on First Friday in October at Geno's...and some of them are collaborations with a couple of lovely ladies who were at my party, Cindy Lou and Nikki....Also, I am showing another series of photographs that I have been working on for awhile and some drawings that have been influenced by my diagnosis. This show falls perfectly in line with October being breast cancer awareness month.
The title that I have chosen for my show is "Not Dead, Not Dying, Living Art".
Also, I want to thank those individuals that also shaved their heads that week, Dominque and Brian, so sweet.
My sister Erin came for a visit from Portland, Oregon the other white meat.
and that was awesome.
I love you Erin, thank you for your visit. This is a pic of my sis...with my dog Ginger...
I think she was about 4 or 5 here....
and add her as a friend on her myspace tell her I sent you. It is Petunialia. She is an artist and a musician just like me .... and is a great person..

My friend Molly came here to visit from her Arizona home through awhile and that was really great.
I will never forget opposite day. (Um she will be the only one to understand what that means).Which was a week after my chemo.
Seemed like I felt really good that day.
Felt like getting around, and It was my first day out driving after a week.
So, If I can time it right.Then I am hoping for at least 50% of the month to be up and around doing things.
that would be awesome.
That following friday the 14th was a very sad and emotional day for many of my friends because they had lost a dear friend Joe Black. And I made it a point to attend the Norm's rememberance.
I didn't know Joe at all. Except for the brief hi's and small talk out front of Geno's smoking cigarettes.
He was a great guy from what I could tell.
And many people cared very much for him.
During these times of what seems like a dark period for our community.
There seems to be so much support and love and just plain compassion in everyone. I believe that everyone is truely realizing what a special place that we all live in. And what enormous hearts so many of us have.
I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) with all of the support we have received.
It is amazing. I have never felt so good about living and being a part of a community until now.
Enlightenment through devastation.
I am all about it.
I hope that I will be able to pay everyone back for all of their generousity and self-lessness someday.
Which brings me to my next obsession which is this.
I am using this diagnosis of mine to inform and educate everyone I possibly can about breast cancer.
All you ladies! Check your Boobies! Do it! Now and every month until you are dead.
It is so important.
It is very important for me to spread this information to my YOUNG girlfriends as well.
I have been frequenting a site called
Young Survival Coalition
Please visti that site for more info on how breast cancer effects younger women.
Here is some info that I took off of the site.
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Young Women and Breast Cancer
Young women CAN and DO get breast cancer. While breast cancer in young women accounts for a small percentage of all breast cancer cases, the impact of this disease is widespread: There are more than 250,000 women 40 and under in the U.S. living with breast cancer, and over 11,100 young women will be diagnosed in the next year. But, despite the fact that breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women ages 15 to 54:
Many young women and their doctors are unaware that they are at risk for breast cancer.
There is no effective breast cancer screening tool for women 40 and under.
Young women are often diagnosed at a later stage than their older counterparts.
There is very little research or educational material focused on issues unique to this younger population, such as fertility, pregnancy, genetic predisposition, the impact of hormonal status on the effectiveness of treatment, psycho-social and long-term survivorship issues, and higher mortality rates for young women, particularly for African-Americans and Latinas.
Young women diagnosed with breast cancer often feel isolated and have little contact with peers who can relate to what they are experiencing.
As the incidence of young women with breast cancer is much lower than in older women, young women are underrepresented in many research studies...>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>
What I am planning to do is spread infomation and pink ribbon parephanalia every chance I get. Everytime their is a benefit thrown for me or a By Blood Alone show I am making sure that there is plenty of free educational material for everyone to take home with them.
There are 2 other organizations that I am going to build a relationship with and they are Susan G. Komen for the Cure Maine Affiliate, Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation, and Maine Breast and Cervical Health Care Program.
In fact I am going to be donating my old honda civic to the MBCHCP.
It has seen better days... and I can't think of a better way to get rid of it.
Ah...
I am going to miss that car. It has been around the country with me and back a couple of times, never left me stranded. I have adorned it with bumperstickers of all of my favorite portland, and new england bands.... and now I am going to say good bye to it.
Bon Voyage!
This past monday I met with an instructor of the Trancendental Meditation Technique.
Let me back step a bit.
Before my diagnosis, I made a little road trip to New Jersey to see my graduate schoolmate Beth-Ann, she and her husband are having a baby.
I bought David Lynch's book on CD called Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity.
I was captivated by this book.
It is so rare that you get to hear David Lynch speak about his process and his approach to artmaking and the like.
I was psyched to hear his voice narrating. I am a huge DL fan and I recommend to anyone who is a fan to read or listen to this book.
Anyway, in this book he talks about his experience and personal practice of Transcendental Meditation., his artmaking and film making.....I was intrigued.
Okay....
I know what some of you may be thinking...
now I am going join some cult and become a yada yada yada...
well, It is not like that at all.
Transcendental Meditation was developed by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi , (you know the same guy that The Beatles were all about)
Here is some info that I copied from the TM Webstie.
The Transcendental Meditation technique is easy to learn. Anyone can practice it. And it works.
During the past 35 years, more than 600 scientific research studies have been conducted on the effects of the Transcendental Meditation program at 216 independent universities and research institutions in 30 countries. The studies—many of which have been published in 100 scientific journals—have shown that the Transcendental Meditation technique:
Reduces stress
Increases creativity and intelligence
Improves memory and learning ability
Increases energy
Increases inner calm
Reduces insomnia
Increases happiness and self-esteem
Reduces anxiety and depression
Improves relationships
Improves health
Promotes a younger biological age
The Transcendental Meditation technique is a simple, effective procedure that enlivens the unlimited potential of life from its source. It enriches all areas of life, just as watering the root of a plant brings nourishment to all parts of the plant.
that all sounds pretty damn good to me!
If any of my geek friends are reading this right now...
This whole technique is directly related to Unified Field Theory and String Theory... subjects that I have just recently really been delving into and studying.
Here is another little except.
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A Note for the Expert in Quantum Physics
The property of pure self-interaction of the Unified Field can be seen from the Lagrangian of Superstring Field Theory depicted below.

Non-perturbative field theory of the string is a very advanced topic which is still under development. In particular a sufficiently satisfying characterization of certain mathematical operations (like 'multiplication' of the string field and gauge fixing) that is necessary for a rigorous mathematical analysis of the Lagrangian of String Field Theory has so far been given only for specific versions of String Field Theory, such as Witten's Open Bosonic String Field Theory and for the Closed Bosonic String Field Theory—a theory which has been considered by F. Englert, H. Nicolai and A. Schellekens as a candidate for a fundamental Unified Field Theory from which they 'derived' the Heterotic Superstring Theory via E8 x E8 FONT <>
For this reason one still uses mainly Polyakov's perturbative formulation of Superstring Theory which gives precise meaning to the above symbolic formula in the perturbative regime. This is, however, enough to derive the property of pure self-interaction.
The formula below with the corresponding diagrams for perturbative Superstring Theory shows very clearly how the property of self-interaction expresses itself in an infinite series of loop diagrams in which the superstring refers back onto itself.

Further important aspects of this property of self-interaction are discussed in the double-sided chart on the webpage "Unified Field of All the Laws of Nature".

Okay...
to make a long story short.
I am looking to practice and learn about this and calling it Health Care.
I can't think of anything better than connecting with the Law of Nature, destressing and becoming a healthy productive creative person.
So, hopefully I will be able to work this in between my chemo fog and the like.
On another note.
My Dad got his final diagnosis of Lymphatic Leukemia. Apparently it is a sluggish incurable cancer. It will be a disease that he will die with but not of it seems.
Because it is slow moving... his chemo treatments will not be a severe and aggresive as mine are and they should be able to keep it at bay.
Their only concern at the moment is a little spot on his lung that they are not sure about.
We are hoping that he doesn't have lung cancer as well.
He starts his treatment on this coming Monday. His schedule will be 5 days chemo, 28 days no chemo, 5 days chemo, 28 days no chemo and so on for 6 months.
His doctors say that he should have very little if any side effects from it.
So we shall see.
I am trying to be strong for him.
He needs to take better care of himself as well and I wish he and my mom both would stop smoking cigarettes.
That goes FOR THE REST OF YOU! No I am not going to preach to you all about healthy living but I figured being on a soapbox for now is okay.
Did I tell you all that I gave up Vodka, Smoking, Dairy and most sugar!
Yeah! I am done with that for awhile.
Damn. I don't know what I miss more, Stoli O on the rocks with lime or my favorite aged cheddar.
UGH!

Anyway.....

I am looking forward to the next few months as crazy as that may sound.
I know it will be difficult.
But I know that I am strong enough to get through it all.
I have everyone beside me.
and helping me along every step of the way.
I thank you all so much.
Fuck YOU CANCER.
I LOVE YOU.
M

ps.
By Blood Alone's full length CD Seas of Blood is done!
And it sounds killer if I do say so myself.
Be on the lookout for its release very soon! Yay!
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http://www.bybloodalone.com/