Holy Crap I am DONE!

Hello friends… well at last I can say that I am done with my radiation treatments.
It is 197 days since my day of diagnosis of breast cancer.
As much as it seems like the days have flown by….. It crawled at the same time.
My life as I knew it …. Was forced to take a pit stop.
Certainly not the curve ball I expected to get. I am psyched that I was able to get thru it all relatively
Sane and happy. Michael is the first and foremost person who helped me thru it all. My friends and family (and my family are my friends). So many friends that I am so lucky to have in my life. My contemporaries, my co-workers, total strangers and business owners all aided me when I needed it.
I want to thank all of you for the emotional, financial and physical help I received from you.
I am deeply humbled by this whole experience.

So…. One might ask……. What the fuck do I do now?

That my friends is the 1 billion dollar question.

As I left the radiology building at Maine Med this morning…..
I didn’t expect to really become overwhelmed with emotion. But I was…. Overwhelmed.
It was the reality of my last treatment that struck me.
I am done… no more…. And when I say no more… I mean NO MORE CANCER EVER. I sobbed on my way to the gym. It was a mournful cry…. Something you may do when you have lost someone close to you.
I am mourning my formal self. Sounds a bit new agey weirdo girl stuff…. But I really feel that way.
I liked how I used to be……but now…. I am a cleaner, healthier, less self abusing…. Melynda.
As much as I did for myself then…. I was not taking care of my physical self. Now I have to. I was forced to. Now I am not saying that cancer did this for me. I say that my body did this for me. Our bodies control so much. There is an intelligence that comes from our very DNA… our own cells can control our life. As much as our brain….Cancer…. Its just our own cells and DNA going a little wonky… growing like crazy. Crazy cells…
Or are they? Maybe.. It is a calculated, directed and spiritually guided message to our being.
Its like…. Wake up mother-fucker! Yeah… you …. Now cut it out! Stop this unhealthy foolishness!
What?….. Your not going to stop…. Okay then…. Then we will do something about it.
Slow you right the fuck down. (this is a conversation between my brain and my body’s cells).

A question that I have been getting a lot lately. “So are they going to run tests to see if the cancer is gone?”
The short answer to this question is a definitive “NO”.

See the thing is … they don’t give you an all clear after treatments are done.
It is a wait and see attitude….
Well okay… lets see if it ever comes back… keep checking… notice changes… symptoms etc.
Surgery got rid of the tumor itself.
Chemotherapy should have killed any rogue cells that may have been hiding somewhere in my body.
Radiation concentrated on killing cells around my surgical areas… both my arm (where lymph nodes where taken out) and the tumor site.

So now… I just have to make sure that it doesn’t come back.

How do I do that?

Well…. 3 major things…….

1. Live Healthier (exercise and eat well)
2. Live Happier (don’t let the stress rule and participate in activities that enrich, excite and inspire)
3. Live True (move towards goals and except failures)

Sounds easy … right?

Well, yah… it kinda is.

I never thought that 7 months ago.

So I am living healthier.
Since my beginning date of radiation 6 weeks ago… I also started going to the gym.
I have been stretching and hitting one of the cardio machines 4x a week for 6 weeks.
I feel stronger… my left arm is getting some of its former strength back.
I am bartering with a yoga/Pilates studio where I pick up and clean at the studio a couple hours a week in exchange for a full membership to the studio. I am psyched! I can take as many classes as I would like.
If any of you want to join me sometime… let me know… we can go to a class together.

I am also eating better and also sleeping better.

I am living happier.
I have begun getting together with my band, By Blood Alone, again.
This has been great. We are working on new material and practicing, practicing for our next gig.
Which is going to kill!

I am also creating artwork. It seems a bit away… but The White Heart asked if I would like to solo art show for October if this year. I am very excited about it. I am making new work and can’t wait to share with you all.
But you will have to wait until then!
HA!

I am still working on the living true part.
Being authentic, being mindful, showing vulnerability and strength at the same time.
How do I achieve this?
It is still a little bit of a mystery for me. It is possible that the point is you will never be able to fully achieve Truth. Maybe you find truth in death?
I don’t know…
What I do know is that I need do move towards my bliss (to quote David Lynch)

Lets see what happens shall we?

I believe that my benefit site will still be up and running to keep you updated on my progress etc.
However…. We will be closing the PO Box that many of you have sent donations to.

If you decide to send anything thru the mail and you would like it to get to me…
Please mail all correspondence etc to……….

Melynda Amann
57 Moody St.
Portland, Maine
04101


I guess that is all for now. My love and gratitude to everyone who sets their eyes on this.
Xoxxoxoxo


Melynda