Chemo Haze all around my brain, Lately things just don't seem the same

Well, it is about time I write another blog.
So many have been wondering how I have been doing, I have seen some of you out and about and that has been wonderful.
Okay.
So lets see,
So much has happened in these past 2 1/2 weeks. It has been nonstop with appointments, visits, errands, seeing friends etc etc.
Who would of thought that I had to get cancer to be more busy?
No really, I am resting too.
Can't heal if I don't rest. Where shall I start?
Well my first day of chemo was on September 5th and I just had my second round this past wednesday the 19th.
The first time was a real wopper for me. I think that party that had to do with the unknown. I had no idea how the drugs would effect me or really what to expect from the whole experience. I got thru the first round okay, headaches and having a hard time sleeping were my biggest complaints.
oh.
and the nausea, that kinda sucked.
On the following Monday the 9th Michael and I invited a few friends over for a head shaving party. At first it was only supposed to be me and a couple of close girlfriends shaving our heads but it turned into the most wonderful party with 8 of my friends shaving their head for ME. That simply amazes me.Thanks to the 2 Sarahs for wielding their mighty clippers and doing such a great job.
Oh and for M for bringing the Scotch.
Not that I had any of it. :( :;)
I couldn't have better friends. What did I do to deserve such loving and wonderful people care about me so much I will never know.
I am so humbled by their friendship and love. We took many pictures and so did my friends and many of you have probably seen them posted on here and on snapfish. Once I figure out how to edit the video down I will post that up as well.
I will be installing an artshow of my work on First Friday in October at Geno's...and some of them are collaborations with a couple of lovely ladies who were at my party, Cindy Lou and Nikki....Also, I am showing another series of photographs that I have been working on for awhile and some drawings that have been influenced by my diagnosis. This show falls perfectly in line with October being breast cancer awareness month.
The title that I have chosen for my show is "Not Dead, Not Dying, Living Art".
Also, I want to thank those individuals that also shaved their heads that week, Dominque and Brian, so sweet.
My sister Erin came for a visit from Portland, Oregon the other white meat.
and that was awesome.
I love you Erin, thank you for your visit. This is a pic of my sis...with my dog Ginger...
I think she was about 4 or 5 here....
and add her as a friend on her myspace tell her I sent you. It is Petunialia. She is an artist and a musician just like me .... and is a great person..

My friend Molly came here to visit from her Arizona home through awhile and that was really great.
I will never forget opposite day. (Um she will be the only one to understand what that means).Which was a week after my chemo.
Seemed like I felt really good that day.
Felt like getting around, and It was my first day out driving after a week.
So, If I can time it right.Then I am hoping for at least 50% of the month to be up and around doing things.
that would be awesome.
That following friday the 14th was a very sad and emotional day for many of my friends because they had lost a dear friend Joe Black. And I made it a point to attend the Norm's rememberance.
I didn't know Joe at all. Except for the brief hi's and small talk out front of Geno's smoking cigarettes.
He was a great guy from what I could tell.
And many people cared very much for him.
During these times of what seems like a dark period for our community.
There seems to be so much support and love and just plain compassion in everyone. I believe that everyone is truely realizing what a special place that we all live in. And what enormous hearts so many of us have.
I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) with all of the support we have received.
It is amazing. I have never felt so good about living and being a part of a community until now.
Enlightenment through devastation.
I am all about it.
I hope that I will be able to pay everyone back for all of their generousity and self-lessness someday.
Which brings me to my next obsession which is this.
I am using this diagnosis of mine to inform and educate everyone I possibly can about breast cancer.
All you ladies! Check your Boobies! Do it! Now and every month until you are dead.
It is so important.
It is very important for me to spread this information to my YOUNG girlfriends as well.
I have been frequenting a site called
Young Survival Coalition
Please visti that site for more info on how breast cancer effects younger women.
Here is some info that I took off of the site.
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Young Women and Breast Cancer
Young women CAN and DO get breast cancer. While breast cancer in young women accounts for a small percentage of all breast cancer cases, the impact of this disease is widespread: There are more than 250,000 women 40 and under in the U.S. living with breast cancer, and over 11,100 young women will be diagnosed in the next year. But, despite the fact that breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women ages 15 to 54:
Many young women and their doctors are unaware that they are at risk for breast cancer.
There is no effective breast cancer screening tool for women 40 and under.
Young women are often diagnosed at a later stage than their older counterparts.
There is very little research or educational material focused on issues unique to this younger population, such as fertility, pregnancy, genetic predisposition, the impact of hormonal status on the effectiveness of treatment, psycho-social and long-term survivorship issues, and higher mortality rates for young women, particularly for African-Americans and Latinas.
Young women diagnosed with breast cancer often feel isolated and have little contact with peers who can relate to what they are experiencing.
As the incidence of young women with breast cancer is much lower than in older women, young women are underrepresented in many research studies...>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>
What I am planning to do is spread infomation and pink ribbon parephanalia every chance I get. Everytime their is a benefit thrown for me or a By Blood Alone show I am making sure that there is plenty of free educational material for everyone to take home with them.
There are 2 other organizations that I am going to build a relationship with and they are Susan G. Komen for the Cure Maine Affiliate, Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation, and Maine Breast and Cervical Health Care Program.
In fact I am going to be donating my old honda civic to the MBCHCP.
It has seen better days... and I can't think of a better way to get rid of it.
Ah...
I am going to miss that car. It has been around the country with me and back a couple of times, never left me stranded. I have adorned it with bumperstickers of all of my favorite portland, and new england bands.... and now I am going to say good bye to it.
Bon Voyage!
This past monday I met with an instructor of the Trancendental Meditation Technique.
Let me back step a bit.
Before my diagnosis, I made a little road trip to New Jersey to see my graduate schoolmate Beth-Ann, she and her husband are having a baby.
I bought David Lynch's book on CD called Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity.
I was captivated by this book.
It is so rare that you get to hear David Lynch speak about his process and his approach to artmaking and the like.
I was psyched to hear his voice narrating. I am a huge DL fan and I recommend to anyone who is a fan to read or listen to this book.
Anyway, in this book he talks about his experience and personal practice of Transcendental Meditation., his artmaking and film making.....I was intrigued.
Okay....
I know what some of you may be thinking...
now I am going join some cult and become a yada yada yada...
well, It is not like that at all.
Transcendental Meditation was developed by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi , (you know the same guy that The Beatles were all about)
Here is some info that I copied from the TM Webstie.
The Transcendental Meditation technique is easy to learn. Anyone can practice it. And it works.
During the past 35 years, more than 600 scientific research studies have been conducted on the effects of the Transcendental Meditation program at 216 independent universities and research institutions in 30 countries. The studies—many of which have been published in 100 scientific journals—have shown that the Transcendental Meditation technique:
Reduces stress
Increases creativity and intelligence
Improves memory and learning ability
Increases energy
Increases inner calm
Reduces insomnia
Increases happiness and self-esteem
Reduces anxiety and depression
Improves relationships
Improves health
Promotes a younger biological age
The Transcendental Meditation technique is a simple, effective procedure that enlivens the unlimited potential of life from its source. It enriches all areas of life, just as watering the root of a plant brings nourishment to all parts of the plant.
that all sounds pretty damn good to me!
If any of my geek friends are reading this right now...
This whole technique is directly related to Unified Field Theory and String Theory... subjects that I have just recently really been delving into and studying.
Here is another little except.
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A Note for the Expert in Quantum Physics
The property of pure self-interaction of the Unified Field can be seen from the Lagrangian of Superstring Field Theory depicted below.

Non-perturbative field theory of the string is a very advanced topic which is still under development. In particular a sufficiently satisfying characterization of certain mathematical operations (like 'multiplication' of the string field and gauge fixing) that is necessary for a rigorous mathematical analysis of the Lagrangian of String Field Theory has so far been given only for specific versions of String Field Theory, such as Witten's Open Bosonic String Field Theory and for the Closed Bosonic String Field Theory—a theory which has been considered by F. Englert, H. Nicolai and A. Schellekens as a candidate for a fundamental Unified Field Theory from which they 'derived' the Heterotic Superstring Theory via E8 x E8 FONT <>
For this reason one still uses mainly Polyakov's perturbative formulation of Superstring Theory which gives precise meaning to the above symbolic formula in the perturbative regime. This is, however, enough to derive the property of pure self-interaction.
The formula below with the corresponding diagrams for perturbative Superstring Theory shows very clearly how the property of self-interaction expresses itself in an infinite series of loop diagrams in which the superstring refers back onto itself.

Further important aspects of this property of self-interaction are discussed in the double-sided chart on the webpage "Unified Field of All the Laws of Nature".

Okay...
to make a long story short.
I am looking to practice and learn about this and calling it Health Care.
I can't think of anything better than connecting with the Law of Nature, destressing and becoming a healthy productive creative person.
So, hopefully I will be able to work this in between my chemo fog and the like.
On another note.
My Dad got his final diagnosis of Lymphatic Leukemia. Apparently it is a sluggish incurable cancer. It will be a disease that he will die with but not of it seems.
Because it is slow moving... his chemo treatments will not be a severe and aggresive as mine are and they should be able to keep it at bay.
Their only concern at the moment is a little spot on his lung that they are not sure about.
We are hoping that he doesn't have lung cancer as well.
He starts his treatment on this coming Monday. His schedule will be 5 days chemo, 28 days no chemo, 5 days chemo, 28 days no chemo and so on for 6 months.
His doctors say that he should have very little if any side effects from it.
So we shall see.
I am trying to be strong for him.
He needs to take better care of himself as well and I wish he and my mom both would stop smoking cigarettes.
That goes FOR THE REST OF YOU! No I am not going to preach to you all about healthy living but I figured being on a soapbox for now is okay.
Did I tell you all that I gave up Vodka, Smoking, Dairy and most sugar!
Yeah! I am done with that for awhile.
Damn. I don't know what I miss more, Stoli O on the rocks with lime or my favorite aged cheddar.
UGH!

Anyway.....

I am looking forward to the next few months as crazy as that may sound.
I know it will be difficult.
But I know that I am strong enough to get through it all.
I have everyone beside me.
and helping me along every step of the way.
I thank you all so much.
Fuck YOU CANCER.
I LOVE YOU.
M

ps.
By Blood Alone's full length CD Seas of Blood is done!
And it sounds killer if I do say so myself.
Be on the lookout for its release very soon! Yay!
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http://www.bybloodalone.com/